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Member
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 905
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Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 905
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Hey Joanna :) (very pretty name)
About 2 1/2 years ago I too was supermom, supergrammy and supermanager. Was laid off after 26 years at the same company, hysterectomy a month later, 3 weeks after that pathology report came back as rare uterine cancer and the chemo started in Dec 2012..........chemo ended March 2013 and by the first week of May I could not walk.....that's how my SFN started. Fast forward to now and I'm in pain mgmt., on BuTrans Patch 20 mcg/hr and Percocet 10-325 for the pain.
I did ok with depression during the chemo but as soon as the SFN started I lost it. I am now on Paxil 40 mg a day and it does help most of the time. The depression is worse on my bad days which is probably normal. During the decent times I have waves of sorrow wash over me......very hard to explain but it just physically 'hits' me and I just have to wait for it to stop.
I too had the frumpy feeling and at 52 still feel young at heart. The body is a different story. Prior to chemo I kept my hair hi-lighted but after I lost all my hair I just decided to let it go gray....but it didn't...it went salt & pepper....more pepper than salt and it wasn't very pretty. After a year I finally talked myself into getting my hair hi-lighted again and it was the BEST one thing I had done for myself. I've kept it up since then and feel a lot more confident when I look in the mirror every morning 
Children are such a joy and I know you get much happiness from your son....hold that close to your heart and never let go.
My feet and legs are not in the shape yours are. I have very shiny skin on my feet. I'm sorry you are having to deal with that. I do wear what I want now. At one time I would never have worn shorts in public....now i don't care.....if they don't like it they sure don't have to look at me....lol......I once was the type of person that would never leave the house without my hair washed, dryed and my makeup on.......I very rarely wear makeup now. Chemo gave me that freedom and I like it.
Yes I believe all of us have gone through different levels of depression and still deal with it.
Please do whatever it takes, meditation, medicine, therapy, to get to a happier place where you can deal with this better and be in a good mental place.
I've been wanting to go see a therapist for over a year now but I don't drive unless I have to so it's just another place I would have to go where family would have to get off and take me. Maybe one day my feet will get to the point that the vibration of the car doesn't 'set' them off.
Hope some of this helps you....please keep us posted....we care about you !
Debi from Georgia
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