I decided when I had children the one major thing I would make sure they knew was that I loved them. I wondered many times growing up if my mother hated me. (We are very close now)
Susanne you are right. We can only do the best we can. We need to love our children and be there for them. I have 3 children and if someone asked them I'll bet they all have different opinions on their childhoods. Some people just can't face that they are responsible for their own happiness. They want some else to blame their failures on.
I hope you don't mind me saying this but it's a shame your adopted son doesn't realize how lucky he is to have you as a mother.