Hi,
I wish my peripheral neuropathy was idiopathic. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't be wishing this but I do because everybody who posts here has this type of PN & mine is a result of diabetes. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in 2003. And, yes, just like many others I didn't watch my diet after that & so, in this regard I'm at fault for getting PN. But, in my defense, I had only been a diabetic for 8 years when I 1st developed symptoms (that would have been some time in 2011) & now I know that most diabetics don't have problems with PN until way after 10 or more years of having diabetes. Some may not have problems with PN until 20 or more years following diagnosis. It seems, no, it is HORRIBLY, UNFAIR!! I want to scream that again!!! IT IS JUST SO HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY, JUST TERRIBLY SO DAMM UNFAIR!!! And, you know what, in the years since the 1st symptoms appeared I know with absolute certainty that neither God nor this universe cares how much physical & emotional pain, PAIN, PAIN, I've been going through especially since Jan 2014.

I worked as a registered nurse for many years but my nursing education never never prepared me for how devasting PN could be. Today's medical literature hardly mentions it.

After a 6th month course of METANX (a pill containing Vit B12, B6 & something else), my podiatrist took a skin biopsy. When the biopsy report came back I listened so VERY calmly as he gave me the results saying the report indicated that I 'had no micro activity at all!'. I wasn't alarmed then but in time I would be. A more precise definition for my biopsy results was Small Fiber Neuropathy.

By Oct's end my PN had become really bad & I saw a neurologist for the 1st time. He prescribed Lyrica It was less effective than I hoped but worse yet I became actively suicidal within 3 weeks of starting it. This effect lingured for close to 5 solid months! While this happening the pain in my feet get worse and worse. Even though I've struggled with severe depression before, I've never know such bleak black despair. Which brings me to why I wish I wish my neuropathy was idiopathic.

It was an accident that I found the Neuro Talk website. I'd often searched the web or Google when the pain in my feet prevented me from sleeping during those cold dark nighttime hours this past winter. The painful sensations in my feet so bad that I felt I was being tortured. First I was the deathly coolness which had started in the summer months thru to the present, then the throbbing starting in my arches followed by 'Charlie horse' like cramps on each side of each foot at the same time. These cramps would wake me abruptly night after night and most after less than 3-4 hours sleep. Other pains would routinely prevent or interrupt my sleep. By March 2015 I was extremely sleep deprived. so much so that I marveled I could put a sentence together. I was lonely, panicky, way beyond feeling depressed, actively suicidal, angry & constantly feeling overwhelming helpless. I didn't want to take my life I just wanted the torture to end. I bargained with God, I pleaded, I examined every my life & catalogued every sin, begged for forgiveness & God never answered. Even if he wouldn't take the pain away couldn't he just answer. Just a small, little answer.? A sign?

Maybe finding Neuro Talk was his way of answering? Maybe not but I I was hopeful that I might find 1 or a couple kindred souls. So, I browsed a lot, introduced myself. After that each new day I've browsed & read but nowhere have I read about someone like me. Someone with a know cause of PN.

Yes I know that there's a forum for chronic pain & I get very distressed & down when I read it. I also have read the PN forum & when I do I learn that people there have painful symptoms too. I just know deep down that people who are still searching for the cause of their PN have the possibility of a cure in their future. I don't. I know that because I've seen other doctors since having that skin biopsy done who learn the results of it as well as my diabetes diagnosis & I can instinctly hear the steel doors slamming tightly shut in their minds as they quickly assess me. They won't entertain the barest possibilty of another cause for my PN & their highly educated but biased minds deny me hope. In their eyes my future is a done deal. I'm only a mere '64'. So many more years to go. But without hope I feel so deeply, unbearably discouraged. So, yes I do wish my PN was labeled idiopathic. They won't offer me a bit of hope.Maybe then, I could hope for a little 'more' of a future. Possibility my body could be healthy again. I could depend on it's & know life as I once knew it. I'm now 64 & probably more years still to live. If that could happen then I have to say that God had answered me after all.

Thanks for listening (I can't find any icon to express my feelings right now).