I think a large part of the problem is I don't value $ after my accident. All I care about is getting better but since it's been 3 years, I feel like I'm always going to have chronic pain so why not try to chase a big score. the thrill of winning helps me forget for a second my PCS struggles. The near misses and losses definitely make my symptoms worse.

I'm not sure if how we were all injured frames the way we look at our struggles. I was in a tbone car accident of a kid attempting to run red light going 60mph+. My suv went airborne, did a 180 in the air, and then skidded on drivers side. Somehow I crawled out through window that shattered and only had a couple scrapes/bruises. It wasn't till later that I knew I had mTBI.

Some might say I was pretty unlucky for this to happen. I could argue that I was very lucky to have survived the accident or not sustain worse injuries. I try to remind myself to look at it from latter viewpoint and i used to succeed at this. But then I go on stretches for months at a time where I feel really lousy every day and feels hopeless.

I can't turn to my wife/family for help because they are all sick of hearing about my pain. I get it, it's a downer to be around someone that constantly feels bad. I try to relay that I just want someone to listen that I still struggle and turns into argument about maybe it's not my head injury which is causing my daily headaches.

Add all this up and it leads me to seek an escape via gambling which I do actually have a significant edge with. It's not like I'm playing craps or blackjack but luck is still a factor.

My last post was a little scattered as is this one so I apologize. i know the answer is to find healthier outlets for an escape wether it be exercise/meditation/or new hobby like photography. I feel best when I'm immersed in nature. I've lost my way and will start to make changes necessary to live a more fulfilling life.