in my own home
me
once self sufficient
have become a burden
my sickness
my problem
and it just gets worse
as Time goes on
father how do i go on
there is so much unnecessary
crap going on
hurting
hurting just so badly
i can't stand myself
despair
no job
no life
no purpose
why am i so ungrateful
who do i think i am
so many worse off than myself
i can't pull out of myself
i ache so badly physically
i ache even more so spiritually
i have limits to so many things today
just to take care of myself
used to be soothing
don't want to talk about it
it upsets me so
i never wore make-up
was never without my lipstick
i have disappeared faded into the back somewhere
we make choices
and to be making choices for the future is gloomy
to think all this
for what
i cannot take care of myself anymore
i have brought with my illness
unhappiness
and they are sick of me
i am the reason for much of the unhappiness
i don't know anymore
i just don't want to go on
me