Dear Dave
Pacing myself i do
I am not arguing the point
Just telling it like it is
My child has left dishes in the sink
For days on end
To handle dishes the way a person
would washing them is as painful as typing my
messages they hurt so badly they itch
The insides
Do you know what I mean
The mummified feeling
This what I am do is actually helping move them
It will take about a good two or three hours for them
to feel loosened up
My head will always feel like it sits on a toothpick
And the tears are beginning to flow
Oh sweet Jesus I am so sad
I make myself sick
My medicine in my system
My pain that I feel because I cannot take
anything for the nerve pain
this many forget
Much of the painis nerve related
My mechanical pain I know independent
from the nerve
Does this help with understanding what pain
I speak of
Only my depression is exasperated by the
PAIN
PAIN OF ALL KINDS ALL WRAPED UP IN A BUNDLE
a bundle
My hands to awake me again
My feet that shuff the floor as I go to void
Not to be able to naturally go
I have tried miralax Gerry no help
I know I do not have to explain the uncomfortable
feeling sometime I get nauseous
May not want to hear it but it is just another
thing to live with

Today I have an appointment for myself and daughter
Obgyn I am way over due
Only this time it's because I'm sick and tired of doctors
Today it's sunny
I unable to get up yet to go to the terrace
I want so badly not to want to feel like I do
I would rather be HOME with my Father
I am not that someone who has a special someone
I need human touch
I need conversation with that counter person
Such as taking Corissa to school and on my way home
Stop off and got a coolata I remember them days
And sparking up conversation with the regulars that came
in every morning
Oh Gerry I remember
And the blanking water works again
This is what I am speaking of
The crying out of control
My face has been swollen for two weeks
I can see my cheeks
I hate it
Thank God I'm not a makeup person
How my dear friends does depression become
the new me
Not holding on to it
As it has always present
I am a monster
This is what I became in these few weeks
All I have is sadness loneliness no job no friends
even though I knew it would end like it has
People just stay away
This place is where I come for human contact
I'm to sad to go on
Love
Me