I'm going to come to your rescue because I can't bare to have a newbie hanging out there with no responses. *grin

I have never SI'd but have a dear friend that did for years...I'm hoping she'll come respond to you. I know that there are a lot of misconceptions about it and that some people think it's a suicidal wish. It's difficult to understand how it can make you feel better but I understand that it does.

And that reminds me of the trout:

When a trout rising to a fly gets hooked on a line and finds himself unable to swim about freely, he begins with a fight
which results in strugles and splashes and sometimes an escape.
Often, of course, the situation is too tough for him.

In the same way the human being struggles with his environment and with the hooks that catch him. sometimes he masters
his difficulties; sometimes they are too much for him. His struggles are all that the world sees and it naturally misunderstands them.

It is hard for a free fish to understand what is happening to a hooked one.

-----Karl A. Menniger