Me again. I need share some thoughts.

I've been so desperate to relieve the pain from my depression lately that I've started to SI again. This is the 3rd time in my life I've been in this place and unfortunately at the moment I don't want to stop. I've become very fixated on my injuries (cutting and striking). I've not come-out to my counselor or my psychiatrist yet because I don't want to stop although I know I should. (Guilt too, oh god)

It's getting harder to hide my actions from my family and co-workers. I feel like this is my only avenue for emotional pain relief right now and the thought of giving it up is very scary.

Can anyone relate to this? I know SI is not that uncommon in fact I've heard and read that so many times it feels dismissive. My head tells my this is serious but the messages I'm getting are that it's not a big deal unless you land yourself in the emergency department.