i am incredibly sad and i don't want to even be awake right now. but i am going to take my time and type properly and tell everyone what happened to me today.

the nurse called me back to tell me there was an appointment at 1 this afternoon and i told her that i could get a ride and my dad would watch the kids. so i went. as soon as i got in there and signed my life away i sat down next to 2 women in the waiting room. then i hear the nurse saying (to the doctor):

...well i think you are going to have to be really tough on her because she is very irresponsible and doesnt take things seriously. she's made excuses for missing appointments like she's sick, or she can't find a driver or someone to watch her kids. so i told her that her illness required shots every two days. so if she isn't going to show up then she can live with it. HA HA HA. so then she started crying and making excuses and telling me that i didn't think she was taking it seriously...

at this point i stood up and marched over to the door and she stared at me as she continued to talk and said "THAT'S RUDE" and i went back to my chair and started weeping. i went up to the scheduling lady and said that the nurse was saying awful things about me. as i was walking out to my chair, my doc walked by with his phone up to his ear.

so then a tech walked me back to my room and asked me if i was ok. i said no and started to tell her that the ***** nurse was saying awful things about me that weren't true and she told me to calm down so the doctor could see me.

the doctor came in and he proceeded to tell me that the staff members have said that i've been short with them and then he said that the PT department said i was saying bad things about him.

first of all, i have NEVER been anything but sweet to his office because he has been the only one who has helped me. secondly, the PT people don't like it that his patients just show up without appointments or if they do, they are late most of the time. so i blew up and said that i would NEVER say something like that and they are liars and i asked him why didn't he come to me. he said that he trusted his staff but he trusted me too and that he was caught in the middle. i was f*ing hysterical! i couldn't believe that someone would lie about me to him. i felt like my hero was spitting on me!

so after all that he told me that it was going to be ok and he gave me a hug and told me again that everything would be ok. he walked me to the scheduling room and my friend was there waiting for me - ****** as hell. she waited for him and told him that she didn't know what was going on, but whoever was saying these things was lying. she has been to almost all of my appointments with me so at least i have a witness.

i am a good person and i am in disbelief.

so anyway he ordered brain scans, i go to the neurologist and the psychiatrist. he said it sounds like...............ms.

i cant cry anymore. i dried up.