By January 6, 2016 New York State should be up and running with the medicinal marijuana program. While it is restrictive in many ways (20 dispenseries for all of NYS, limited conditions(though neuropathy is listed) and no combustion of plant material- no smoking.

There is vaporizor oil to be dispensed, to nod toward the benefit of time to relief felt, but hopefully at some point they will consider what cannabanoids, terepens (sp?) and other potentially beneficial things are removed in the conversion process.

I have a few dear friends where I work. They are in the know. I feel bad for bringing them in lately. The sadness in their eyes mirrors mine. It is comforting often, but I do have pangs of guilt.

I am positive that I am misread by many there. My expensive piece of paper is an English degree, focus on literature. Appearance versus reality is infinitely more fascinating when you are not the protagonist/antagonist. But I disgress, as I often do.

One of my more conservative confidants has been tracking the approval. I always demure on getting near the front of the line. Surely others are worse off.

My friend D pointed out my increasingly shabby quality of life. It is true. So I eagerly await my next neurologist appointment were I broach the subject in general terms- Do you plan on becoming certified?

I am staying with him for now regardless. He took an MRI to cross the potential for MS off a worry list despite his position of "nope this is moderately severe diabetic poly neuropathy."

You see, another restriction is you must be in the care of your prescriber for 6 months minimum and have tried other measures. Only opiates have not been directed at this point (the opioid Tramadol is all I take now) and they blanche at it due to my age (41).

That is fine. I would be willing to try anything semi reasonable at this point. I agree. Diminshing quality with maximum effort.

I desire having as many quality moments as I can. Sometimes a good day is that moment when my 3 1/2 year old son looks at, my less jaded Han Soloish smirk emblazoned on his face with his Mother's large almond shaped brown eyes and says, "Your amazing, Dada."

If taking three drops in the morning of a tincture sets me right for the day until I get home, I am all in.

I continue behaviors consistent with betterment. I am rounding the corner of acceptance that now many be the best I feel from here on out. I don't view it as defeatist. I will continue to turn over stones, poke about, change what is not working and try something new.

I hope for a smirk moment for you all, no make that three. It's the nagic number, oh yes it is.

My best,

Jon