Hi SkimbleShanks. There is so much that I'd like to say. The Lord loves you with a everlasting love. Do you remember the part in the bible where the Prodigal son comes back to his dad, and he received him back completely.

You are His blessed child. He created you just the way that you are. The fact that you want to get closer to the Lord is a sign that he's drawing you back. That's the only way that we can approach Him.

The most important thing that you can do now is get a King James,or new King James version bible,and read. Reading the bible has extreme power in your life,and mine. When I started reading the bible,it changed my whole life,and doors started opening for me,and I received favor from people who started to help me up from the mess that I was in.

Faith comes by hearing,and hearing by the word of God. That's in Romans 10:17. So reading the bible will strengthen you greatly.

It is by Grace that we have been saved through Faith,and not of our selves,it is the gift of God... (Ephesians 2:8-9) You cannot earn your way to heaven. It's a free gift that God gives to his people who receive Jesus Christ into their hearts.

Please read the bible. I didn't understand what I was reading in the Bible in the time of my salvation,but after a while I did.

Please be patient with yourself through this experience. God is calling you back,and has a way where there seems to be no way.

I am not a minister. I am a person who needs the Lord a lot. I really believe in the Bible,and know that this is a real experience. Brokenfriend