Hello MVTBI,

I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a child. I was hardly 12 years old before I started using drugs and alcohol to cope with my neuroses. And to be honest, I would say that since my last TBI I'm far less depressed than I was before (albeit much more anxious). Furthermore, I haven't turned to drugs or drink since the day of my accident. Weird. Thinking about your question, it's very hard to find a reasonable explanation for all this.

I think that for one thing, experiencing TBI and PCS has given me a more clear understanding of suffering…
Before, I could never seem to pinpoint what made me feel so empty. I mean, those were bouts of depression that went on for weeks or months. Would go days and days without showering, eating, or getting out of bed. And though in the earlier days of this TBI I felt completely hopeless, to the point of wanting to die (which some of you may relate to), I realized pretty quickly I was not willing to commit suicide and that I would have to push through. Since that realization, every day I've woken up with a commitment to increasing my wellness and to really work through everything one step at a time. Not to mention the effect of realizing how many other people were suffering from brain disorders and pushing through. After reading other peoples' struggles (on this site in particular), it was hard to succumb to despair. In turn I feel more conscious of humanity than I ever did before. Identifying much less with my subjective head trips and identifying more with my "whole self", and with other peoples' struggles. I also attribute some of the perceptual shift to spiritual practices I've taken up since the injury.

So I guess what I'm saying is, does/can/will depression go away? Sort of. Do I still get depressed? Sometimes. But it has far less power over me than it did before. Perhaps the experience of depression depends a lot on where you're standing in relation to it. And that can always change. And our brains, bodies, and circumstances are changing every day. Anxiety though, is a whole other story. Anyway I believe that your depression will improve, and I wish you the best.