Well had my follow-up with the new neuro today. Apparently I've pretty much run through the medicinal therapies. PT doesn't seem like it will be much help for me either, given my past experiences with it. So she's got one more type of medication to try me on, an different anti-convulsent to take with all my other pills, and I'll be off to get an AFO/KAFO once it goes through the insurance and such.

I really liked this new neuro, she didn't break things down to laymen's terms as much as the other one did, but for me that's really not an issue (was more apprieciated for my DH who goes with me to the appts).

Honestly the DH seemed a bit more upset that she couldn't 'do' anything really. But I also do understand that's kind of the nature of the disease. I just wasn't willing, and honestly I'm still not completely willing, to throw in the towel completely when it comes to my symptoms.

Still there's only so much you can fight. Having a doctor who's willing to be upfront and realistic about my prospects, who's willing to listen to all the complaints, all the previous treatments before going into possible actions without trying to dress it up as something it's not going to be, I'm cool with that. I'm not looking for a miracle, just looking for an answer and explanation as to why I'm ignored on occasion. Or feel like I'm being ignored.

I don't believe this new neuro will ignore me however, she seems more than patient enough to explain 'why' she can't really help me, no matter how many times I might go crying to her in the future.

So I'm down to simple acceptance now. I can handle accepting a great many things when its the simple reality of the situation. I don't really like that my other neuro wasn't able to provide the lead in to that. She simply couldn't state in so many words 'degenerative disorder suck it up.' This one can, and I like that about her.

So a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I'm still not being lazy, or crazy (well okay I am still crazy but that's a whole nother thing), I'm not just being a big old cry baby (in fact she was shocked at how well I seemed to be dealing with the pain when she could feel the spasms hitching in the knee and hear the cracking of the joint).

But more than all of that, I don't HAVE to force myself to get BETTER. It ain't happening, long and short of it. Might sound strange, but it's such a relief to know that.