Canagirl,
My heart aches for you.
It is awful to feel powerless and at the end of ones rope.
I was where you are now, ten yrs ago.
I was ready to "pull the plug" and had plans in place.
I was so close that when I think of it now, it gives me the shivers to think
of all I would have missed and lost.

What did I do? ....

My regular doc got me to an excellent pain mgmt doc who put me on OxyContin and helped me get my pain under control with pain meds, a therapist who dealt with those in pain and constant monitoring of my pain levels.

I stopped looking at what I COULDN'T do and focused only on what I COULD do which meant every day I forgot about my past life and realized that I had to wipe the slate clean and think of my current life as a whole new life. I got a job volunteering with hospice....I may not be able to do much but, I could sit next to a dying person and read to them or play music or just let them talk so that their family could take a much needed break. I realized, there is always someone worse off than me and I can help that person. It was very gratifying work.
I have no kids but I worked on my relationships with all my nieces and nephews and they became a very important part of my life. While I was working 60+ hrs a week, I rarely had time for them.

I worked very, very hard to be positive in ALL my endeavors, not negative.
So what if I have to use the ride on shopping carts at the market, it is kind of fun and people don't know how to react but they get out of your way.
So what if I have to wear weird clothes because my neuropathy is so bad, it made me more of an individual( had worked in corporate America and had to wear a dull suit everyday).

Being home all the time and being ill is very isolating. I sought out things I COULD do for entertainment/socializing and believe me it was hard. I joined a bookclub and was very honest about my health issues....they welcomed me warmly, were very sweet about my issues and became some of my closest friends. For a very long time, it was my ONLY social outing, once a month I went to book club. I joined these forums and became a part of this community that at times has been my only source of help.

Canagirl....I know you are suffering and frustrated.
Please try to focus on what you CAN do.
I know it is hard to accept pain and accept the new limited,altered version of your life.
Never lose hope, there is always one more thing to try, reiki, so many supplements for pain/etc, meditation or guided imagery, massage or cranial sacral therapy, desensitizing for neuropathy was very powerful for me, hypnosis, a completely alkaline diet, a raw vegan diet with juicing green vegs,
IV Vit c or Glutatione, B12 injections, IVIG, magnetic therapy, chiropractic, physical therapy, so many different prescription drugs, spices/foods that help inflammation like bromelain or turmeric or curcumin, injections like lidocaine or Epidural steroid injections.....Please don't give up. And last but not least, prayer has been very helpful to me. Every time I have been at the end of my rope...prayer has provided answers.

My best to you....you are smart to reach out and please keep doing so...that is what this place is for. Don't give up...someone is always here to "talk" to.


You are in my thoughts and prayers,
Diandra