Ugh I don't even want to think about the horrors of trying to get pregnant. DH and I tried many years ago, without success. And I was under so much stress over it I actually had a hysterical pregnancy talk about a blow when it turned out I wasn't. MS is nothing compared to that.

Thankfully though no one has suggested I could 'beat' MS. Although I can't even begin to count the number of times I've been told how I can 'handle' MS. My mother fully believes that if she ever had to choose a child to have something like this, it would have been me anyways. Not that she would wish it upon me, just if she was told one day to pick a child to have MS, she would have chosen me. My older siblings aren't.... strong???

I mean neither of them will talk to me, they've cut off all contact with me, and most contact with my parents. My nephew who was staying with us for a while, was banned from talking about me when he returned home. They insist they're 'mad' at me, though I've not done anything for them to be upset with me. But they simply can't handle what I'm going through, which makes my mother fully believe there's no way on earth they could ever even begin to handle it if it were themselves.

In any event the new drug seems to be calming the spasms, leading to what can only be described as 'squishy' pain in the joints. I mean they've been under pressure for decades, suddenly relieving that pressure feels... painful... but... not a sharp pain, not a dull pain, not a burning or stinging pain.... just a 'squishy' pain....almost like they're dislocated and swishing around under the skin. I dunno hard to explain, I've never really felt anything like it before and can't think of a better term than squishy, even though it's painful and squishy isn't an adjective usually associated with pain.

So I'm not really sure if it's a good medication, or not.... it causes pain, but I was already in pain, but it also calms the spasms which was causing the pain I was in before.... Well in any event I go back in a month to the new neuro who wants an MRI of the spine now, so I'll give it a go for that long at least, maybe 'squishy' is normal and I just need to get used to it.