Something is happening right now. Likely two or three or four things but I have no idea to tap into which of those is the actual problem or if the second or third is all part of the picture.

I am deeply sad. I am troubled too.

They might be un-related to the the mother issues.

I feel that I am close to crisis mode -- or at least need to gear up to veer away from heading into crisis mode.
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I believe that they are something else.
One of those things I absolutely cannot talk about except to say that I am disturbed tremendously.
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Possible help for myself right now is to try to get to the gym because that seems to be helping me.
It also helps to be in the same place as other people who seem to be functioning even though I do not interact (the same as most people in the gym -- they are usually focused on the work out unless they run into a buddy or two or are meeting up with someone/have come with someone.

The sauna too maybe.
Old tdoc liked the sauna because she said sweating helped release emotions the in a similar way that crying does.
My acupuncturist of three or four years used to say the same thing.

M