Hi Cheryl,

You have such hope and kind, encouraging words for others. It is a beautiful thing. I hope that you are extending that same kindness to yourself by demanding the competent care that you deserve, not giving yourself a hard time for having a hard time and finding some way to pamper yourself every day.

I went through a dark, dark time after my third surgery and felt like checking out despite a deep faith, loving husband and (believe it or not) a great teenager I still adore. It was the care of a well trained therapist that got me through it. I waited too long to get help with the depression that accompanied my pain thinking I would pull out of it. There is no substitute for a professional versed in chronic illness and pain. Mine did hypnosis and EMDR and both were quite helpful.

It is worth taking a look at your meds. Even if suicidal ideation or depression is a rare side effect it may be affecting you adversely. Cymbalta can contribute to those feelings. I had to go off neurontin for that reason. A drug that destroys your mood is not worth whatever benefit it brings when there are options without that side effect. I do better on nortriptyline, everyone is different, keep trying as long as you need to. It is not a failure.

I hope that you are finding more light in your days. There is hope and as M56 says, it is good to be on the other side. We are all rooting for you and sending thoughts of healing and peace.