I'm purplegrrl, aka Ria. Doing what I can to care for my mother, who has frontal varient Alzheimers, severe emphasema, glaucoma and a number of other medical problems.

Even before her formal dementia diagnosis, she was assessed as needing residential aged care. A year on (and with significantly increased memory problems), she still insists she's "perfectly fit to live alone" ... she'll accept a weekly cleaning lady, but has refused/sacked any other formal support services we've tried to put in.

She doesnt sack me, so...

I tried the full-time carer thing, I really tried. I just couldnt sustain it... ended up getting too sick myself (my OWN issues include hemiplegia and intractible seizures... seizures worsened by stress and fatigue).

Now, I'm back in my own flat, and mum's by herself. Call every day, and visit 1-3 days a week (to do meds, give "to do" checklists, shop, clean out dead things from frig, put out rubbish, help with shower, change sheets and clothes, help with paperwork and finances, go to dr appt... deal with any disasters I find... do as many of those things as I CAN in the time available... never enough).

Needless to say, something's got to change... eg no showers in 2 weeks isnt good enough, and mum tells me things like "I went into the frig to get my breakfast leftovers, and found all these pills on the side of the plate", and "between the bathroom and your chart, I forget if I had my eyedrops, or if I intended to". Last week, had to travel an hour to mum's house to fill up her dosette box etc... in the midst of organising a major event. And I was seizing so much that day... (took lotsa rescue meds to calm things down... but still dont know how many mistakes I made... and mum takes 15 diff meds a day).

The dosette box stuff... that's fixable. Pharmacist can do (just need to get past mum's resistance, she doesnt trust him not to make mistakes). As for the rest, tho... going to have to look at a neuropsych reassessment and guardianship again, I think. Can see ways for mum to stay at home (if that's what she really wants)... but they involve intensive in-home services. The sort mum wont accept, because she "doesnt need them" (aint lack of insight grand )

Anyways... doing the best I can. Because of my own issues, never enough. And needing to find other solutions. Think that just about sums it up.