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Member
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 214
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 214
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Obviously dealing with PCS is terrible for everyone, but I think it's especially hard on academic types who derive much of their self worth from their ability to function as a highly intelligent human being who enjoys being mentally challenged. While I agree that fear isn't really the most helpful way to meet the challenges associated with PCS, I think it's a perfectly understandable response.
It's hard, for me at least, to accept my current dysfunctions and try to move on as this new person as I don't like this new person, I don't feel like myself anymore, and the part of me that does feel like myself only does so because it can point to my current state and say "That's not me". And so, the fear of this going on indefinitely remains, as I just haven't been able to even understand what it would mean to accept this me as the new me. I just can't wrap my head around accepting this new identity that I don't like as much as the old one!
Not to hijack the thread, but you're not alone in being afraid here, even while knowing being afraid isn't really helpful.
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26 year-old PhD student in evolutionary biology, slipped on ice in Feb 2014 while clipping my fingernails and walking to save time (dumbest reason for PCS ever?). Initially just had headaches and didn't feel quite right, but a minor head bump 5 days later started a downward spiral of anxiety, depression, insomnia and fatigue. Had trouble concentrating on reading/looking at screens
April 2014 - did exertion test, passed, started exercising and doing more, but didn't feel much better.
May 2014 - Went on backpacking trip OK'd by doctor, trip itself went fine, but felt worse a few days after getting back, more difficulty concentrating, worse headaches.
June 2014 - Bumped head on ceiling walking slowly down stairs, no immediate symptoms, but caused worsening headahces, more difficulty concentrating and looking at screens. Have not felt as good as I did before this since this bump.
December 2014 - after feeling relatively better I went xc skiing and fell but didn't hit my head (something my psychologist who specializes in brain injuries told me he hoped would happen so I saw it was OK), felt worse
Feb 2015 - back in grad school, light teaching load and some research, nowhere close to operating at my full capacity. Still have constant headaches, difficulty reading/looking at screens, mild anxiety and depression, and just not feeling like my normal sharp self.
Trying, but struggling, to believe that I'll get back to my old self, or at least get close.
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