Hi Velkyn,

I wanted to start off trying to make you smile regarding the shoe comment because through all of this I have found that laughter is my best medicine. Seriously though, I can only wear one shoe right now. The other one is a giant boot cast with a tendon that won't heal because of the raging CRPS. I just wanted you to know that I really understand every s i n g l e w o r d you wrote and have been that angry, sad, tired girl. By nature & profession I am an advocate for others and myself as I am sure you are with being a nurse. But even the best advocates get beat down after fighting doctor after doctor, scs sales pitches, prescriptions thrown at us & blank stares as we try to explain the horrendous disease to the people who are suppose to have the answers. Sometimes all I want is to feel supported & to have faith someone is fighting for me when I don't have any fight left in me.

Finding the right dr is key. I still haven't found my perfect doctor but after bursting into tears with my current pm doctor.. he did sit & listen to me for about 45 minutes offering his advice and knowledge through all the research he has read so there is a start. What I have realized is maybe finding the perfect dr isn't a reality but finding a doctor who sees you as a real person.

The most successful treatment I have found to date isn't some miracle drug (although the oral ketamine is pretty close)… But it is the practice of being Mindful. I know this sounds Hooey but I took an MBSR class (mindfulness based stress reduction). I have been meaning to start a thread on this so others may find some relief as well. So a brief intro is the class teaches you to be aware & nonjudgemental. The benefits that I had were that it changed my relationship to pain. I no longer tense my muscles when I am in excruciating pain, I focus on my breath which relaxes & then the pain lessens. I also quit bullying my body & hating my feet. Like Little Paw, I also started being nice saying "oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you hurt." (told ya…it sounds hooey!) but honestly it works. I also allowed myself to grieve. Grieve my injury, my diagnosis, my life I gave up & I allowed myself to be angry…because lets face it, we deserve to be angry sometimes. Now I NEED to meditate everyday because it helps with my pain. It also is my time when I have learned to just be. The MBSR is kind of like therapy as you gain insight into your own beliefs about the diagnosis & treatment as well as your relationship with pain. You can also find a therapist who specializes in Mindfulness Based Cognitive Behavior Therapy.. these tend to be the most nurturing, gentle therapists around…

I hope you do find relief & find a doctor who will listen to you to help you find the next step. Be kind to yourself. Please keep us updated! You are in my thoughts ..