Almondface, I find peace in knowing you are sharing here in this safe place.

The tortured path wound through the hillocks of my life bears similarity
To deep hurts shared here on your pages
Numerous counsellors have aided me through time
All well intentioned
Most decent
Some not so good
Fewer still excellent
Right now I am blessed to be working with one who is excellent

She is guiding me through EMDR
For the sake of endeavoring to help me through trauma
Not the trauma of the car wreck which injured my body
But the trauma of rearing which injured my spirit

I am blessed to know distinction between that spirit and my soul
As it was soulfood which buoyed me through trauma of
Childhood
Adolescence
Teen years
Then adulthood when I buried myself so deeply, I might never have emerged
So
Those earlier years I am convinced faith helped me not sink into the abyss

Now, with EMDR we are taking lifelong "battlefield" traumas of growing
Askew from self
And
Attempting to defuse them
Working with my therapist to resolve them
To release myself

frankly, it was fear of rejection which held me buried
Without sharing with close friends
Yeah, I have heard the words and read the retorts
"You are older now...why don't you just let go of it?"
"That can't be..."
"You parents had best intentions"
And on and on....
Absent professional therapy, the buried me festered.
Hurt did not go away with passage of time.

Here you are embraced for you
Wisdom has gushed forth from others
As for me...I am continuing therapy
My family likes the results
So do I
Those who hurt me???? Well, they disowned me anyway,
So,
It is one of those propositions
Of forgiving....in time...without confrontation or restoration,
In the stillness and peacefulness of time where
With therapy some of my hurts are fading

Glad for it am I...and I pray all will be well with you.
M56