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In Remembrance
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: SE Kansas.
Posts: 374
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In Remembrance
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: SE Kansas.
Posts: 374
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Gaining weight
Even those trying to keep up with my soap-opera life may benefit from a brief rehash:
On Thanksgiving night, 2005, I had to go to an ER to have a severe infection treated; very painful and ended with the ER doc offering to prescribe five 5mg vicodin for the pain. I told him that I knew enough about pain to know that the cutting he did was going to need more than 25mg of hydrocodone.
He gave me the Arrogant Doctor Frown and told me that he knew more about pain than me, and "That's all you're going to get"
I replied that I was lucky enough to have a doc who didn't enjoy seeing his patient's suffer, then showed him my bottle of oxycodone. It would still hurt, but not as bad as he was willing to see me hurt. But that isn't the story.
At my last visit with my neuro (Aug, 2005), my weight had dropped to 156 pounds; enough to make me decide to eat more. It was 3 months later and there was a scale in the ER, so I asked a nurse to weigh me.
I thought it read 128 pounds, but everyone now agrees it had to have been 138, anyway, I freaked out. I had been making myself eat more for three months and lost 28 pounds (actually 18).
For the next year I fed myself like a Christmas turkey, and by Jan of this year, my weight had gone down to 126 pounds. I had already decided that I was probably going to lose this fight and that when I got too weak to live at home I would end my life; but I wasn't giving up yet.
I focused on forgiving my wife for some things in the past and on forgiving myself for being so stupid as to get myself disabled twice. I had been suffering emotionally, and mere words can't describe how much; anyway, I still don't understand exactly what forgiveness means, but the little I did learn helped me.
In April, I weighed 129 pounds. It was the first time I had gained weight since some time before August, 2005, when I discovered I was down to 156 (I weighed nearly 220 when I was hurt in June, 1995).
Well, yesterday I saw my neuro again, and I am really happy to announce that I now weigh 138 pounds.
I know that isn't a good weight for someone 6 feet tall, but it beats the Hell out of 126 pounds. I'm sure it will continue upward, and I'm grateful for that.
Anyway, the 300 mile r/t to see my doc always leaves me with extra pain for 3 or 4 days, and this is only day 2, so I don't feel much like typing. I did want to share my good news, however...Vic
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The great end of life is not knowldege but action. T. H. Huxley
When in doubt, ask: What would Jimmy Buffett do?
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