Hi Eva,

Thank you for writing.

It's a very challenging adjustment when family is "MIA" and/or absent for prolonged periods of time and for any reason.

I feel it's especially difficult for a loving mother, such as yourself.

How does one "let go?"
Eva, you are holding onto hope and for good reason!

In the case of the plane crash, there were no phone calls coming now and then, there was no news of these particular loved ones beyond the day they'd perished. There was tangible evidence they'd perished. Eventually, since there was no word from these four family members, I had to let go. Yet, it took a long time, as I had many dreams in which they would appear and explain how they had survived. I was so happy to see them...and then would awaken to the reality that they were gone. I'd also think I'd see them on the street, in crowds, now and then. My mind kept playing tricks on me for a few years, as I could not fully "let go."

The immense sadness and grief went on for years and tore some of the extended family apart... and that has not yet been healed.
Yet, I continue to reach out and continue to be open to a shift toward healing for those so torn apart. I keep my heart open for a larger reunion should estranged family members want to reunite.

My heart feels deep sadness as you describe your sense of abandonment or aloneness feeling like a "suicide while being alive." I do understand your words and feelings, at least in part. I have felt exactly the same way at times, Eva.

We all need acknowledgement and a sense of belonging within a group and we all hope our families can, and will, provide this. The truth is, many families cannot provide this for various reasons.

Eva, for many years of my life, I had to find "family" in friends. My friends were my family on holidays, when needing support, etc. I hope you have some trusted friends as well.

I understand the feeling of deep depression upon awakening as well. I, too, have felt this at times and for prolonged periods of deep grief. During the most challenging times, it's been very hard to meet another day.

Your children are alive and you hold onto hope... and for good reason!

I still miss those MIA, either because they have perished or because they are still traumatized and withdrawn and won't talk with others. I miss them very much.

I am very lucky to have some good friends and to share a home with other adults. The companionship helps me to keep going, to keep trying to do my best, in spite of the deep pain of many losses.

Eva, I am very touched you've written and have shared with me.
You have an amazingly beautiful soul that shines, despite the deep pain you experience daily.

((((( Gentle Hugs to You, Eva )))))

Thank you for gifting me by sharing with me.

You and yours are in my prayers, Eva.

With Admiration, Gratitude and Lots of Heart,
DejaVu