thank you all for being so kind. once again. i just thought i'd muster up enough strength to update you.
i've gone off all of my meds. the dr. told me on tuesday that it would be a good idea to rule out as much as possible. i have not had major tremors since then, however they are still there. the sensitivity in my fingers is still very minimal. i was having trouble at therapy screwing something onto a board. my arm/shoulder is not hurting. that is a plus. my right side is still freaky - i can not walk well and my knee continues to buckle under me. my arm is still not swinging like it should when i walk (or stumble). i have thrush again and it's hard for me to eat because anything that i put in my mouth, either solid or liquid, just burns like hell. i also have to take at least 1 break when climbing up my stairs (13 steps).

i'm sorry that i'm not very fluid in my update, but i'm trying to do this without deleting and starting over a hundred times. i'm trying to be positive, but it's just so hard. i keep crying. i saw my GP's wife yesterday and she asked me if i threw my back out - i said no - she said "why are you walking so funny then?" i started crying, of course. i just don't know what to do.

i'm feeling so desperate. i just wish i would hurry up and kick the bucket because i don't know what to do. i feel like the dr.'s are all out to get me and i feel crazy and sad and scared and helpless and hopeless all at the same time. i'm just so tired all the time and i just feel so bad for my family.

please don't think i want to do anything crazy. i don't want to hurt myself, but i'm not opposed to the rapture...