Hi falldc,

Welcome to NeuroTalk.

I can feel your sadness, grief, shock, disappointment, sense of betrayal, anger, frustration, discontentment and more. Lots of painful emotions.

I am sorry you are in the midst of what seems like an endless storm.

I think you have posted in a forum. I will look you up there.

I am glad you are reaching out, expressing your feelings, thinking about your future.

Please keep taking excellent care of you!

DejaVu

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Hi falldc,

I am chasing you around a bit. I see where you were re-directed.

I am very sorry for all you are going through.

If interested in doing so, you could talk with your husband's doctor, as Kitty has suggested.

If your husband can change his behavior, depending upon witnesses, he has some control over his behaviors which he is not using within his interactions with you.

Your descriptions sound like the relationship was quite deteriorated prior to his brain trauma, yes? You are reporting its worse now.

I do not know his pre-existing personality style; yet, it sounds like you feel his personality traits have been amplified.

Sometimes, with TBI, people become more irritable, impulsive, etc.
I have had those issues with a head injury. In my own case, I have been very careful of my husband, my family, my friends. I could see that I needed help and asked for more help. I have to take an anti-epileptic med, named Depakote, in order to even out my mood, not be so easily irritated, etc.
This has helped me a great deal. I have always been concerned about my spouse, my family members, my friends. Luckily for me, I am still concerned about them and their welfare, and concerned about having healthy relationships.

I certainly don't mean to imply all brain injuries are the same. I am addressing pre-existing personality, prior to the trauma/injury. You have shared a lot of information about how you perceive his personality traits, both before and after surgery/injury.

Sometimes, people with TBI, and with no TBI and certain mental health issues, have no insight into their own behaviors and how their behaviors affect others. Sounds like your husband does not know and/or does not care.

I need to tell you much of what you are describing sounds like "emotional abuse."

Signs of emotional abuse in a relationship:
http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relat...motional-abuse

Please also see the Domestic Abuse Power and Control Wheel:
http://www.ncdsv.org/images/powercon...lnoshading.pdf

The second part of the article outlines the many steps that need to be taken to stop the abuse and to start healing. Do you feel he is capable of these steps?

Nobody deserves abuse. There is no good reason, no acceptable reason, for abusive behaviors.

Make sure you are okay. Keep yourself safe and away from the abuse as much as possible.

I am not a trained domestic abuse counselor.

I am giving you a site link to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, open 24/7.

www.thehotline.org

It's up to you if you as to whether or not you want to be in touch with this, or any other, organization.
I want to suggest this option, however.

Any chance of you seeing your own therapist for sorting out your needs/desires and your own plans/goals in life?

I am very concerned about you.

Warmly,
DejaVu