Hi falldc,
I am glad you are reaching out and sharing, even if it feels exhausting.
The energy drain speaks for itself.
Do you feel couples counseling might be an option, in order to communicate about what each of you wants?
Many therapists can help with either restoring the relationship or helping couples to separate sanely. The therapy goals really depend upon what the couple wants to work on with a therapist.
You have options.

Sometimes just knowing we have viable options helps.
Sometimes we just need to express ourselves and be heard.
We are here and listening.
Warmly,
DejaVu