My greatest fear from when they put me on disability has come true. I've become "that guy." The one who spends his day on his butt watching TV. I don't even want to get up and get the mail or paper because it requires me to move.

I can't do the volunteering that some of the other people in the park do because it requires being able to stand for a period of time, two hands, being able to move. I do the exercise class the park where I live has for residents 3x a week and I enjoy the socialization but it's like exercising with my grandparents. Most of the people are in their 70s-80s. The people closer to my age are still working as do my friends. I was forced to retire from fencing after my back surgery.

I don't even have a pet to talk to. A dog isn't an option and I have never been a cat person. I am going crazy. I hate my life so much I don't know what to do. I don't know how much longer I can do this.