It's just sometimes I almost think I can handle this now, and out of nowhere get smacked down, so hard, so fast, and everything g cockeyed....and it takes MONTHS to get back even a small portion of the control of my physical ability, or inability may be more accurate, back.....
And all the while I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, silently, trying to know if even ONE SINGLE person around me can understand or acknowledge the slightest glimpse of my true struggles....
Can ANY of the people around me even knows that I do struggle.....Moe important....do they even care.....
I, almost all the time, put on that "brave, happy face" and barely even metion one tiny bit of pain, more in passing if you will, like "Yeah my ___ is bothering me more today". But I minimize it like it's a faint headache.....which as we all know never is!! We all know the true pain it causes, but my fiance got "sick of hearing about it" so I've pretty much stopped that as well..... so whenever I have the really bad, devastating honestly, flare, those comments are even worse, to boot I get comments like "just deal with it", "I had really bad carpal tunnel syndrome I know exactly what you're feeling or worse" grr, or my personal most hated "you'll be okay just suck it up"...... all these and more......when I feel like SCREAMING IT'S NOT OKAY and IT NEVER WILL BE AGAIN!!!! And why can't you give me the SLIGHTEST bit of empathy or support?!?!
I know it can be frustrating to be the only person working full time, and that dishes/laundry gets backed up from time to time, but we have a cleaning service once a week to have the place clran, and I do the best I can with everything else so you don't have to after working all week.....I have literally been in that role but did ALL the cleaning as well.....I have total empathy however and fail to see where I deserve that kind of treatment, I even bring an income equivalent to a full time job at a bit over min wage......thank god it was approved because I NEEDED it!!
I just don't understand how someone can see someone else suffering as it am now, physically AND emotionally, but be so self absorbed to do absolutely NOTHING......
So if someone who's been with me for two long....can be this way towards me......
WHY would ANYONE ELSE want me?
I can barely get dressed right now without help ......
My daughter truly is the only thing keeping sane and stable....so if that's true.....what will I do once she's gone?

Thanks....I needed to get that all out.......