Hi songbird,

I am very sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I know your feelings are warranted.

Any chance of individual and/or couples therapy?
There are advantages to each approach.

I did not understand you to relate that all of your issues/sadness come from your fiancé. Does he also bring you and your daughter some joy and some security? If you feel this relationship might be worth salvaging, there is no time like the present to work on this together. Our loved ones can become just as frustrated with chronic illness as we become frustrated. Our loved ones can act angry or oblivious to our pain and limitations because they fear losing us. Denial is a coping mechanism.

My husband and I are very happy together. We have a very sane and loving relationship. We'd needed some help understanding each other in the beginning. Yet, our understanding, compassion and love for one another has only gotten better with time. It's been over 20 years now. He is very sad and often feels helpless when I am in severe pain. He feels overwhelmed at times. Yet, we have learned how to talk about our feelings, frustrations, fears, disappointments in a calm, heart-to-heart manner, whereby nobody is offended and we more fully understand one another. Better yet, as we share, we understand some seemingly negative feelings really stem from the depth of love and the fear of not being able to help enough or the fear of losing one another early because of increased illness/pain. Couples therapy, back in the beginning of our marriage, helped us to communicate with one another on a deep level. We are truly best friends.

I hope you find acceptance and support -- in your current relationship if you are open to continuing with your fiancé -- or in the future, if you are looking to move on.

Offering supportive, healing energy to you.

So glad you have reached out!

DejaVu