Hi Jana82,

I am sorry for all you are going through.

I have limited time to comment this morning, However, wanted to respond.

If you are in the U.S., the new HIPPA regulations make it very difficult to communicate with a spouse's doctor. Under the regulations, a doctor cannot talk to you about your spouse without your spouse's expressed permission.

There is a way to get through though.

Any doctor can LISTEN to you and to your concerns.
You may ask to speak to your husband's GP. Let staff know it's emergent.
If you are told to speak with the doctor's nurse, enlist the nurse's help. Explain, in detail, and ask for help.

If this fails, write a letter to the doctor, explaining your concerns and ask for his/her help. Certify the letter, return receipt requested. (The post office will help you with this if help is needed.)

Your calls to the GP should become a part of your husband's chart. If not, for any reason, your "official" letter will become a part of his chart and will show you have, again, asked for help.

If the GP offers an appointment, will your husband attend?

Here is another option, which may help your husband accept some help: If your husband becomes abusive/violent, call the police. I realize this may be a difficult thing to do, yet you say you are exhausted and have tried to get help for him and he refuses. You have related his family has given up. You and your child need to be safe. Your husband also needs to be safe and not escalating into doing something for which everyone may be very sorry. This is a protective measure for all three of you and also stresses the very serious nature of what's going on. (You may then explain the history to the police and to a judge or social worker, etc.)

If you feel you need police intervention, you may also go to the police station and tell them you need help. You may leave your child with a trusted friend/family and then go to the police station. They will talk with you and will tell you your options. There is often less trauma to children if handled this way, if possible to handle it this way. (Yet, please do not hesitate to call police in any emergent situation.)

If you need assistance, you may call upon Legal Aid, if it's available in your area. An attorney there may be able to help advise you.

Your local Domestic Violence hotline may be helpful in supporting you as you deal with this very difficult situation. They also often have a safe house where you and your child can go while the situation is being resolved, should you need a place.

Above all, keep your child and yourself safe.

My heart goes out to you.


DejaVu

P.S. If your husband has made any threats of harm to himself and/or others, please also make these known to his doctor and/or the police (if you ever need to call the police). Helpers need to keep all three of you safe.
If the police intervene, they need to know in order to keep everyone safe as they try to assist.