I am sorry you are suffering so much. I know that pain. When treatments didn't help, medications didn't help and I'd suffered for over 5 years, I got the intrathecal pump My biggest question was why did I wait so long to get it ?

I never gave it a thought that I was being punished. I did, however, realize that I may never know in my lifetime why it happened to me. It was easier to accept it than fight it. The hardest for me was losing my career
I hope you get some relief soon and also will keep you in prayer.
Hope