I'm very sorry you're feeling so terrible and overwhelmed by it all.
Please talk to your doctor about your feelings. If you belong to a support group or a church, perhaps you can talk to a counsellor there who can help you through this dark time.

If you need to talk to others who have felt the same way or who have family who felt the same way, then there is always the SOS Forum - Survivors of Suicide where you can freely and there are always members who will listen to you. That's sometimes half the battle - finding someone who will listen.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...e/art-20048230
How to stay safe and find treatment , get through a crisis and find treatment.