Hi Sam,

My caring hugs, heart and prayers go out to you.

I'm sure many more people love and care about you than you probably even realize.

I have been in that dark place often and it can be overwhelming and
isolating . I feel that there is a reason that we are still here in this " game we call life"

Have you thought about talking to a professional therapist? I feel that it could be a good step for you to talk to an impartial and trained person to guide you with some distractions and tools to help you cope when you get into that dark place. It's sure worth a shot....

All the best always Sam