Littlepaw said it, you are not alone, especially here.
Lots of us with lost hopes and dreams and crappy, selfish families.

I lost my career, ability to work or have kids but have found a way in life despite the lousy aspects. When I got ill, I found out who my true friends are and they are with me to this day, decades down this road. When I thought my life wasn't worth much, I have found that giving to others whose lives were worse than mine, always helped me. There is ALWAYS someone worse off.

After losing my job to illness, after a few months of resting and feeling a tad better, I walked across the street to the local hospital and said, I can't do much but I can give you a few hours a week. They put me in the Intensive care unit as a greeter/receptionist ....kind of like a Walmart greeter. After seeing what these patients and their families were dealing with every day, I grew to be thankful for what I had.

If you can't get out much or are not ambulatory, there are phone volunteer jobs.

I also worked for Hospice as a volunteer. At the very least, I could sit by the bedside of a dying person and hold their hand or listen to their stories and in some cases, help them mend fences with a loved one they wanted to make peace with before they died. It ended up being the most rewarding job I ever had and I made special, lifelong friends with the families and co-workers.

Im not preaching, honestly....you might not to be ready for volunteering but it sure pulled me out of my funk. Just food for thought.

I am glad you made your way here. There are many nice, supportive folks who have walked the same path you are on.

Please keep coming back.
Diandra