Funeral is this weekend and I'm unable to be in the sun or any light. All of my symptoms have returned to full force.

How do I go on? I'm so sick and tired of this. Will I ever be able to go out in the sun again?

He was my only sibling and I looked up to him my whole life. Only being 4 years older than me, we were very close as we dealt with our parents divorce and beyond.

I hate my life. I want to grieve normally. Instead I can't use any electronics or do anything to distract me from this torment. This is torture. Coming up on one year since I ruined my life with a simple accident.

Only way I wrote this was with sunglasses on. The phone screen is too much. Conversations are too much. How do you process this loss when you are so debilitated?

Crying now. Will try to keep fighting.