I never did a lot of drinking at home. I'm a social binge drinker and my drinking increased when my hypomanic episodes did. But once I start drinking, I can't stop. And at times I've (expletive) up my life because of it.
I think I already mentioned I was off my meds and manic prior to my s/s attempt and my life was a mess...

I was drunk for 4-5 months straight before my s/s attempt in December. I stopped drinking for 3 mo after, then I would only have 1-2 beers every mo or so until July when this episode began.
I was sober when the agitated mania hit. There wasn't much I wouldn't have done to make it stop. The first night I had 4 beers, got bombed, and got a couple hours sleep. But when I woke up I realized if I kept drinking it would be too easy to lose my grip again. Sure enough, a couple of days later, there wasn't anything I wouldn't have done to make it stop. But I was able to get myself to the hospital this time. I'm here because I stayed sober.

I can't drink. It's too dangerous.

I don't have my license right now because I got a DUI in December. I could have had it back a couple of months ago but was too busy being manic. I think it's been easier to stop drinking because I can't go anywhere. I have no desire to revisit my old haunts though. I don't want to expose myself to unhealthy environments, I'm embarrassed by my behavior during those 4-5mo of mania, and everyone has heard about my s/s attempt by now. I cut off all friendships that were based primarily on drinking. Unfortunately, that meant just about everyone.


My husband doesn't care if I drink, as long as I do it at home. His understanding of bipolar disorder remains poor (despite his claims to the contrary) so he doesn't understand how dangerous it is. He doesn't want me to get my license back because he's afraid I'll drink and drive (understandably) or cheat on him (?).

I costs $70 every time I go to the pdoc or therapist because I have to take cabs. I've been seeing the pdoc once, sometimes twice a week for the last 2mo and we can't afford it. My case manager wants me to see my therapist every week... never gonna happen (even if it was cost effective).

I told him that if I become out of control, he can always take the keys away. He has his doubts. I reminded him that I've voluntarily handed over my debit card to the joint account twice in the last 2 months, and given him unrestricted access to my doctors and case manager (never would have happened before). He seemed a little more receptive.

I don't want to be out and about driving if I'm unstable, but if I'm stable on meds I can't be stuck at home 24/7. I'm 35yo. I'm starting to feel better, and I'm already getting cabin fever. I'm running out of things to clean. What's the point of being stable if I'm going to live my life stuck here alone like this all day? It's going to lead to depression.

At the very least, I want the freedom to be able to go to the store and buy my own tampons if I need them. I don't want to have to ask my husband to take me and have him roll his eyes and groan.

I'm sorry this went very long and off-topic...

It served a couple of purpose, though. I guess I needed to remind myself why I can't drink. I guess I needed to vent. And I realize now I need to take some Seroquel.

Kay