Hi Pam,

My heart goes out to you both during this time of transition.

Your husband is still going through withdrawal and emotional detox.

I can honestly write: Most people I have seen go through alcohol/drug treatment programs access additional coping skills and become stronger people.

Some go through some degree of an "identity crisis." Sometimes, this depends upon when (at what age or stage of development) someone became "dependent upon" alcohol/any substance, and if they had time to form a firm identity prior to taking up heavier types of drinking.

Most, if not all, go through all kinds of emotions, including lots of anxiety.
Alcohol is known for it's emotion-numbing effects. When we detox, the old stuff, including lots of emotions, come up to be dealt with. The full detoxification is an emotional detoxification, as well as a physical detoxification.

When someone goes through alcohol and/or drug treatment programs, many people around them also experience some anxiety. This often creates a major shift in life and will also create a major shift in your relationship with one another. I think it's a shift you will each like/prefer. It may take some getting used to, however, as we all tend to interact with partners in a habitual manner.

Issues of "addiction" -- whether alcohol, drugs, food, other -- are issues of "dependencies." Any of us having lived with others with addictions may have our own addictions and/or, in the least, have likely played some degree of a co-dependent role in life.

In close relationships, if one person shifts (changes), room is made for another (or others ) to also shift.

It's "normal" for both individuals in a marriage to feel the marriage/relationship is potentially somewhat threatened when someone goes through a treatment program. This may be felt on a conscious or subconscious level.

I don't know of a program requiring a month of no contact with a spouse or with family. However, I do know some programs make this requirement.
A month of no contact can feel like a very long time.
Diandra has offered some wonderful ideas on ways to be "in touch" with one another without breaking the rules.

My husband and I also do similar things -- leaving notes and small gifts around the house or in suitcases/clothing when we must be apart for lengthy times. We have fun with this.

(((((( Pamela ))))))
(((((( DB ))))))

We are here for you.

Love and Prayers for you both!

DejaVu