Hi Kay,

You have been through so much.
I am so very impressed by your continued dedication to do your best.

Doing our best does not mean we won't get tired of it, won't feel down, won't get frustrated, won't ever think about all of our options. It's normal to want a way out of pain, any/all types of pain.

I understand not knowing, one day to the next, if/how I will be able to participate in life. I often have to sit out, or change plans, because the pain is too much and the level of pain meds needed during those times also sometimes cause additional sedation. I understand when you talk about living for long periods of time, accepting the need for medication and feeling like you are passing time, until things get better and you can manage something different. I am often doing the same.

This can feel so isolating when it goes on for long periods of time.

I do feel the stigma is lessening. More and more people seem to talk more openly about issues of mental health. I feel this is very different than it was in the '80's and '90's for instance. It's improving.

Many people feel severely depressed and/or suicidal at some point in their lives. I honestly feel more and more people are willing to admit this to others, are more willing to talk about it. It's not a "rare" thing -- thinking about suicide, attempting suicide.

I have struggled with feeling suicidal, off an on, through the past 30 years of painful conditions.

It's also the case that many people having attempted suicide also feel a deep sense of regret, shame and/or stigma. In my experience, this is much more about how a person feels about him/herself, and not so much about how others (family/friends) feel about them. I feel there is a lot of self-judgment and/or self condemnation about suicide attempts.

I, for one, am glad you have survived.
I know so many others are also glad you have survived.

I hope and pray you can release yourself from paying any price in shame or otherwise. You don't deserve to suffer from any sense of shame or self-judgment for anything.

Kay, please know you are highly respected, greatly admired and truly loved and accepted for you, as you are.

I see a beautiful soul trying her best to deal with very challenging conditions.
You've been doing an outstanding job at taking care of your needs.

It's a pleasure to support you through whatever comes your way.

We are all here to love and to support one another.

With Admiration, Love and Prayers,
DejaVu