Danny,

As far as recoveries, notice how the people who posted two years ago don't post anymore--besides a rare few. Read some of their posts. The hope and healing sticky has some stories I believe.

I've been where you are recently--hanging on by a thread it seems. I'm 19 and two years out. 4 months ago I was depressed out of my mind. 2 months ago I had a week where I was as close to suicide as ever.

But the past month has been a complete turnaround. Please read and take the posts--mine inclluded--seriously. I've been depressed with most setbacks I've had, but I feel like i'm done thinking like that.

It starts with a shift in mindset--basically what Mark said. This doesnt mean unrealistic pie in the sky thinking.

You have to want to live. Find the reasons. Find the reasons why you don't want to live and if you can control any of them, change it, but realize lots is out of your control. Accept it. But you DON'T have to let it control every aspect of your life. Will it influence most aspects? Probably, but you still have control over lots of things.

My friend has PCS bad. He has constant migraines and fibramayalgia. His head is at a constant 9--i bet most people would say a 10--and his back and neck are like rocks from the constant spasming. He has nerve pains firing up and down his back constantly. He can only sleep an hour or two at night. He has bad anxiety. But he has a beautiful attitude.

He cracks jokes all the time. He tells me this gets him through the day ," embrace the pain. Don't be it's B*!*@. and that God has a plan for him."

Frankly, I let PCS rule me for probably a good 7 or 8 months out of this past two years. No one is going to tell you it's not traumatic, but if you don't get yourself out of the hole, you're going to continue experiencing trauma.

My healing process hasn't been the greatest, but I have read other posts--SpaceCadet for example--where the healing didn't really happen until 2 or 2.5 years after the injuries.

I find it hard if I only have a reason or two to keep going, but that's what I needed just to start. The whole mindset is what one wants. Here are a few examples of the type of thinking that one needs to do more than survive.

When you get a negative thought, stop it ASAP. Don't ruminate about sad things as much as you can. Take a breath and enjoy the peace of breathing.

I can't do this or that any more, but I can do these things...

I have learned this because of PCS...MEditation? Healthy eating? patience? Empathy? Trust?

Make jokes: The most pleasurable thing I did today was fart...
Seriously go out of your way to make jokes. Helps so much. Or read/ watch funny stuff.

This bath or shower feels fricken great right now. This dark chocolate is delectable. The wind on my skin feels...

Bud told me he struggled (hope this is okay, Bud) mentally early on, but each day he woke up and figured there was a reason he was still around.

Hockey had an old post where she said when she's having tough days she tells herself, "i can get through today because I got through all my yesterdays."

Faith has helped me. I don't know if you are religious, but a few prayers a day help my anxiety of the future and keep me at peace.

It doesn't all have to come back to PCS ruling your life. It could be worse. You could have a worse condition. It can and will get better.

Please just don't give up, and make the effort to change, even if you feel stupid or know you're just telling yourself BS at first.

Honestly, I'm proud of you and everyone with PCS. It's traumatic. It's hard as hell. You are a lot stronger than you think and I know you just want a break, but you gotta overlook that.