Terri:

Thank god you didn't tell all of us to "butt out". You had the intervention. Good job. Good decisions all around.

Mind if I ask where daughter #2 (the one that's driving you crazy), is moving to??? Does she work??

I see more and more grandmas raising their grandchildren, because their kids (mainly daughters), got pregnant early on, couldn't hack the responsibility, then turned to their loving mothers, who can't see giving the grandkid away, (the girls count on this by the way, I've spoken to many of them). I've heard 16 year olds say "I knew my mother wouldn't throw us out, she loves the baby". And the mom and baby get food stamps, benefits, the mother goes out all night long and the loving grandma is the one that raises the child.

Want to know how many of these stories end up? I know because it's going on around the corner from me, next door from me and across the road from me. When the 16 year olds finally grow up, and the baby is now 9 or 10, (being raised by Nana, as most of them are called around here), well, the now 26 year old daughter has met a guy, gets married and takes the kid and ups and leaves. Want to know what happens to the grandma when that happens?? She has a breakdown because she has given her heart and soul to the daughter and to the grandaughter. I have known many a grandma who is going to court to try and get custody because she "lost her grandaughter" when the daughter and the kid move in with the guy and they "make their own family".

I once asked my friend, who was going through this "aren't you happy that your daughter is finally mature enough to be married and take care of the kid and the guy will support them and give her his name?". The answer was "are you out of your mind?, this is my grandaughter, I've raised her for 10 years, they're not taking her away from me".

I know a very nice woman who owns a house with 3 floors. On the top floor is the grandparents, on the second floor is the 38 year old son, his 29 year old girlfriend and their new baby. The son has a 4 year old and the mother of this 4 year old is out of the picture.

So where does the 4 year old eat and sleep? Upstairs with the grandparents who have raised her since she was born. The son wasn't mature enough and the mom wasn't stable.

So what does the son do? He has his girllfriend move in, and they have their own baby. They pay no rent (but they had another baby???)

And the grandmother has MS, and adores this 4 year old.

I hear these stories all the time. Years and years ago, people grew up, met their loves, got married, had children.

But now, all that is changed. They are fooling around earlier and earlier, not using protection and the grandmas are raising all these kids. And they are investing all their emotional love and finances and they really don't mind doing this because a grandma is a sweetheart. But when the daughter takes the kid and moves away, the poor grandma is left alone, and will say "what do I live for now???"

When the hell did life change so much and kids started to do things backwards, have kids, let grandma raise them, then grow up, move out and take kid with them. I have seen this so much, it's amazing.

Seams: You are an excellent mother and grandmother. You have a heart of gold. I am happy that you found a way to make all of this work.

Your family is so lucky to have you, I can't find the words.

All the best,

Melody

P.S. Now go and light some candles and take a nice long hot bath. You deserve it!!!