"it" still yet to let up
ripping at my gut
morning after morning
not a day goes by
and feel "it" there
waiting for me
to wake
the pain of my being physically
upon waking no words to explain
to now have to wait till my second dose
to make appointments after taking the second dose
is a must
i am not ready for an increase
as my nerve related problems
cannot be found
and i'm tired and do not like going the the withdrawal
but who cares nobody is truly listening
this is my experience
still waiting for my PAP
and with my history
is anyone paying attention
called and canceled twice doctor delivering babies
ohhhh not to mention
my breast cancer
i had to get script for sonogram of them
last Wednesday of this month
and an script for X-ray of cervical region
as i hit my head twice
both time trying to be careful lifting my head
bam! a nice knot on top

so
that a mouth full
still doing my job as mother
and grandmother
never wavering
in fact
they both want my full
attention
i do the best i can
not looking forward to the holidays
even though i am working so hard to finish my home
it was never completed
slowly it is coming together
i cry with such sadness
this will be my last hooray decorating my home
i have been working on it since they painted the
bathrooms and the ceiling
i attempted to put a coat on my walls
as it is broken up by two colors
put the mirrors up along dining room wall
crying as the pain is so great when in resting position
i want someone to blow me away
and i will never abuse my meds by taking any more
than prescribed
out of shape i an
sad i am as i have no job
to know the job i had
and was unable to return to would blow your mind
yet again
i have no control of my hands and feet
they are just so bloody bad
i want to die
or just kill the parts that hurt
anyone get it

why even bother anymore
my last hooray
love me