Hi Gerry and Litlove,
I have been getting into more of that mindset you speak of. I don't feel guilty because it actually gives me that shot in the arm that I need to deal with the changes in him.
We have a peaceful coehistence (sp?) during the week when he is working (he works a lot of hours). Weekends I am doing my own thing with friends and my daughter. Still planning things with family at home to include him as much as he feels like.
I notice after a nice dinner, he does not really want to talk, rather watch tv and news etc. I will take a walk with the dog to my neighbors, or make a call while walking.
We went to a party this past weekend. He got mad at me for something and stomped off. Several close friends were surprised and said "this is NOT something he would have done before" and realized how much the brain damage has changed his self control.
A little bit later he was back and fine.
ON a real positive....yesterday I was reading him several diary entries from last year when he had the "surgery misadventure" that caused the damage, things that happened, and things he said and did at the time... and he just kept saying "I was a total jerk...I'm sorry"
Then today when he came home from work, he hugged me and said "thank you for taking care of me last year and handling all that"...... (tears! as I write this)
I don't know if things will ever go back to the way they were, but as I wrote before, we were not the poster children for a perfect marriage. Like everyone, it needs work.
I have changed a lot this past year and continue to adjust the way I talk to him, and handle conflict.
In the past, I would argue and debate more. Now I just walk away, do not confront or fight my case, and pretty much do what I think is the right thing to do with or without his approval.
thanks for listening!