Thank you Idealist, You are right and kids always if you raised them with everything you have they do understand. I have been ill with something besides RSD since my son was 2 years old he is 15 now. Its been me and him most of his life maybe I feel more guilty of that because I always wanted him to have a father and my 2nd ex adopted him and waked away to but you are right we are so close and we share things we talk openly so he knows he can always come to me I might freak for a few minutes but if I didnt i wouldnt be the mom I am and all his friends even say he is so lucky to have me as his mom .So you are right and thank you for saying those nice things. I think the last few weeks have gotten better someone said because i keep saying to my son where do you want to go France , Spain Hawaii London anywhere he says I dont know i didnt get it intil someone that made a nice compent to me on myspace he someone I dont know he doesnt have kids and he is in his mid 40s he said I hope you dont mind but I saw the pics of you( Me) and my son and the poem my son wrote about me and he said he just wanted to say that we are so close and seems like we are so close and he said that he is still a mommys boy at his age and so will my son and I should love it and this man just like you took the time and its I think is more real when a man says what you did and what he did because you are men real men to me and he even like you said listen to your son he doesnt care about going somewhere nice like those places its you and maybe little ones here and there and the rest curled up even at 15 and watch a movie together or he loves to read at a college level he can read to me and we can do art things he wants to do a page on RSD and run it and have it in my honor .I think you are right we both are lucky it sounds like it to me we did something right we our wonderful kids and I shouldnt feel bad even through he doesnt have a man in his life because he might of been like someone ealse and if his friends are wishing I was there mom that makes him fell wonderful and special. I feel greatful I wake up and love him every minute and I will always be part of him .I wouldnt change him and I need to try not to fell guilty I do need to just enjoy every time we laugh and smile and cry and all the things and enjoy people that are having the same fellings so Im not alone . Thank you for taking the time and helping me through this I hope I can help you also oneday with something. Im here usually RSD area but Im here. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU SAID ALOT.........................Best Wishes to you and your kids (IM sorry Ithink you have more than one if not sorry) Best to you Karen/ rsdkitti