Survivors we are
Yet I walk in circles
Wondering why am in this
terrible frame of mind
You know
The unspoken word
Pain=mental illness to present
"Itself"
As I run this circle every day for the past three years
How great could his "pain" have been
Because I just want to rip my shin off
and God knows what I would go for first
This brain
This being
Is having them thoughts
Never to act on them

My mind
My mind has its own on and off button
I do not control it
You would think I could
But pain is driving some charges to that button

I cannot help but tell it like it is for me

DMACK
you represent persons
such as myself
A recovering alcoholic
Of twenty plus years
One day at a time
Bam
I'm inflicted with turd
I have no control over
My Body
I a physician induced addict
Help put me in this dark place
Younger having a drink
I wold tell myself so I could be
calm for my children

Having pills that could take me out in a beat of this heart

Do I then remember
He took a gun to himself
I don't care how fudged up he was
How great was his pain
For me to get to think that for my life
Then the anger of the pain I still suffer
As running this circle is NOT where I want to be
Yet it's there every single morning
And the day moves on and slowly
I realize the pain I would cause

He had a choice
As I fight "it" everyday
And at the end of the day
I made a promise
I made a promise

And then my mind takes me to my children
All giving death a shot
Saraeve physician induced she is my epileptic child
My boy bi-polar recovering heroin addict
My third child angel dust addict entering re-hab
stopped counting
My seventeen year old recovering addict

My sisters both recovering

See a pattern

I am left talking to his spirit
As I call upon him to watch over the family
It's the least he can do
We did not ask for life
The parents I landed
I understand
Does it make it okay
Hell no
I know the truth
I cannot leave them thinking zippo

Elephants are a symbol in my home
Gentle giants
Thank you for allowing my ramble
Love
Me