My husband and I had a fight last night, and it's not going to be an easy one to shake off...

He harbors a lot of anger from the time we were separated. I know he won't forget it, and he won't forgive me. He's entitled to his anger. I own my mistakes. He does not. And I'm not allowed to remind him of them. I have to sit there like a punching bag. If I speak, I can't say "I."

He's angry about the years I spent misdiagnosed and snowed on Lithium (so am I). He said I would have gotten better if I had just listened to him?! Nothing I can say can sway him. He thinks I was living like that solely by choice. Getting better is ammunition now, I guess.

His opinion of me seems only to be shaped be every mistake I've made over the last 11yrs...
I've been home for 9mo and working hard trying to get better. Last night he said, "It doesn't matter what you do. You're still you."

So what the (expletive) was I fighting for?
I cried. I can't remember the last time I cried. It's a very, very rare occurrance.

This is the start of a long weekend. He's going to pretend this fight never happened. I don't think I have it in me to do that. I wish I had somewhere to go and hide.