I so cherish the wonderful people on this site, people who have become loved cyber friends. I've just been reading another thread that left me with tears coursing down my cheeks as I read the comments and statements and in some instances just testing of the facts to suit their own thought patterns. English Dave, I well remember Shipman, I lived in the UK then. I just want to say thanks on this forum thread for all the support I have received as DB and I grappled with his journey.

My dilemma to find 4 things different to do is not that I don't do anything, I do garden and water every day (even in winter), I walk the dogs and play with them as much as I can, brush the cats and enjoy them, read books actively, take long baths with candles to relax and on Friday invested in a bath caddy so I can lean back and read instead of struggling to hold the iPad above water lol. I Skype my friends now rather than landline calls so I can see them, I love that! I watch movies and follow many tv series, I record them all and watch when I can, I've gone back to work 3 days a week and deliberately don't talk about my work at home.

I guess I say I'm frightened about what I need to do differently when I'm already different is because I'm not the active person I was before. To do something different is hard, I've already made so many changes to accommodate my declining physicality. I'm worried that anything I do differently won't be perceived as such by DB because I have already changed much in my life and he won't see it as different.

The one thing I can see I need to do different is I really need to get myself up and out that front door just for the fun of it, not because I have to go for work, shopping, dog care or destination only reasons to leave the house. To do this I need help with my PTSD and that's why I'm thinking hypnosis. Loud noises outside set off panic attacks, screeching car tyres, loud revving cars, or swiftly accelerating cars all set my heart racing.

My attention span has gone to ..... I struggle to concentrate or focus on any one thing and I flit around the house doing one thing or another. It's why I started having baths again, it meant I had to sit still in there for a bit.

I've been you tubing a lot lately, the how to do videos are great, I've created a brilliant vertical wall garden out of recycled water bottles and it looks fabulous. I hope DB will like it and I blow vacced outside yesterday, took me well over an hour and I did bits of weeding along the way. But the yard looks clean and tidy, the dogs are happy and the inside of the house is spotless in readiness for his return so he needn't feel overwhelmed with having to do things.

Anyway, it's not long now till he is home and I have a roast pork dinner to cook. Hugs and thanks to you all as you have accompanied me on this journey.