Heb, Bab, Jon, Mad, thank you all for your very kind words and messages. Heb, no tears, really I've shed enough here!

Yes, I think what scares me the most is the underlying process, not the neuropathy. I do not have pain that requires medication (at least not yet!) And I almost wish on some level that its not SFN b.c it seems like if its another type, then at least they may be able to try IVIG, etc. I know that sounds crazy to wish for something "worse."

As for Lyme, Madison, I feel for you. While not an elite athlete, I was/am! a pretty good one - and I have been been cutting back the last few months out of fear. Should I? Probably not. And that has led to deconditioning which has led to more fear that Im weak and tired and something "must" be wrong.'

As for Lyme, yes! I have the Horowitz book. Very good. I have VERY specific Lyme bands - 39,23, etc. Always indeterminate on tests (so never negative either). Lyme dr says I have been exposed to Lyme but may not have had the illness. I have no idea what that means but i must be a distinction with a difference. She has never been able to really fully explain how that can be.

I am thinking though that its the EBV. My titers NEVER go down. I had a horrible case as a teen. Every time Im tested they are there. I think that is the source of my persistent infection. I am going to an infectious disease dr at U Penn next week but not thinking she's going to make anything of it b/c while I show high titers by ELISA, I don't by PCR and you have to have the DNA in your blood for them to consider it an issue (kind of like you and Parvo , heb). I will ask her about the Lyme as well but I know ID doctors are not big on Lyme either.

Ive also become somewhat agoraphobic and afraid to leave the house. Why? I have no idea. I just don't want to be out. Definitely a huge level of depression here and lack of in anything else.

I remember when I was recovering from crazy round #1 in 1999, my then 94 year old grandmother (who would live to 104 bless her soul!) sat me down and said to me I don't care how you feel, you will get up and go back to work. Work is good for you. Its good for me. I still scrub the floors every day. And you know what, I started a new job and as hard as it was, I got better and it took my mind off of this.

Now I work from home part time and take care of my three kids. Yes, a lot going on but a lot of "alone" time for me at home to go on the internet and look and ponder, wayyyyy too much.

I said to my husband that sometimes I wish I could just go to a country home, you know like they did at the turn of the century to recuperate! LOL. Honestly, I have some notion that total rest away from the home will kick whatever this is into remission like it went over 15 yrs ago.

Okay, enough psychology! Thanks again. All of your responses meant a whole lot to me. And will definitely recheck thyroid.

I will update you as I know things! Lots of appointments in the next 6 weeks.

L