seth,

You don't need to accept that this is as good as you will get. You just need to accept that this is real and where you are right now and move forward from here. This is a starting point for the rest of your life. This is not an ending point. You must not look at this as a deficit point. What happened is done and past. You cannot change what happened when you fell.

We can impact our future. We cannot impact our past. Getting stuck in the past prevents us from moving on into the future.

You have all the intelligence and skills you need to make a brilliant future your yourself and your family.

Researchers notice two things about intelligent and accomplished people with prolonged or even persistent PCS. First, they are far more aware of and focused on their struggles because they are used to such high levels of function. Second, they are the best at learning work-arounds and accommodations because they use their intellect to figure things out. They notice patterns and triggers. They adapt.

If you were lost in time about the date, it does not change anything. I could not tell you the date without looking at the clock on my computer or at my cell phone. I have lived successfully for decades like this. I actually learned that I do better when I am less focused on time. I plan my day better. I was in business in an industry where I needed to arrive on time at customers homes or businesses. A wall clock at the shop was all I used. No watch. I planned my day with a looser schedule but was still just as productive. But, I was not as anxious.

If you feel better exercising, that is evidence that you should continue.

But, as I have said many times, recovery is measured in long time intervals, two weeks minimum with one month as a a common interval. As you ride the roller coaster, if last month you had 10 down cycles but this month you had 8 down cycles, you are improving. But, those down cycles will happen, even after you have achieved peak recovery.

If there is one issue you need to accept for the future, it is that you are highly likely to experience down cycles from time to time for the rest of your life, usually as the result of a stressing trigger. Many of us plan on these down cycles because we want to take on the stressful activity and the down cycle is an acceptable temporary risk.

But, it appears you have not yet been able to fend off your anxiety over your symptoms or future yet. When you achieve victory over these, the next step in your recovery will begin. Maybe you will benefit from counseling. Only you can make that decision.

But, I for one, believe you can do it. You can defeat your anxiety. You can focus on a new future rather than your past.

And, you can accept the fact that you did nothing subsequent to your injury that changed the progression of your symptoms. The only thing that would have changed the progression of your symptoms would have been another fall and injury or maybe getting blotto drunk or ill with a very high fever. If you delayed recovery, it was only by a few weeks. But that would not even be measurable.

So, look to your future. You have a lot to look forward to.

btw, Over the past 6 years, I bet there have been at least 10 people who saw big improvements after 18 months.