Thanks Mark! I agree that I won't be figuring this out and I suppose it is foolish to try to imagine what's exactly going on.

In terms of tangible experience - I am definitely realizing that consistency would be huge, especially putting together any stretch of good days. After my first five days of rest in August I felt perfectly fine one morning so I returned to work. Within an hour, I felt exhausted and back in "brain chaos" (I call this recovery phase where I can't seem to close my eyes and even think or structure a thought that feels like my own as "brain chaos.")

After than it wasn't till September 16th that it felt like I had a similar clear-ish day. Starting in September, I had been taking leave from work so this was following some rest. Speaking to one friend for 20 mins completely seemed to evaporate this clarity. Again returned to "brain chaos" where I stayed till October 1st when I woke up and felt clear. At this point I knew I had to trap this and not push it, but even smiling at folks and making eye contact seemed to exhaust and eventually deplete this reserve. Since then I have returned to this brain chaos phase and am recovering through that now. Just wondering if this patter of peaks in recovery getting smaller and harder to maintain is consistent. Does this recovery process seem familiar with things you might have experienced or heard about from others. I am just resting at home. I text friends and talk to close ones in this stage but it's very difficult to communicate because my sense of concentration and ability to structure a thought seems lost.

I don't mean to keep whining about myself because seems like many people are going through much worse. But, this has turned my life completely upside down at 24. This forum seems to be the first place I am getting real support.