Quote:
Originally Posted by qtipsq
Lost my job, my wife, my mind, my friends, my passions, my connection to my mind and the ability to feel joy. If has been 18 months. I have tried everything and feels like this new me is here to stay. However, I feel like I have no use for this new person I have become. How easy it would be for it to.just be all over. The idea of living with constant headaches, fatigue, pain, and suffering and staying jobless while looking at the world through this twisted carnival ride of a lens. The only reason I am here is because of how much agony my mom would feel if I decided to off myself tomorrow. Its the only thought rattling in my head these days.
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I would guess that many folks across the NT forums, at some point in their illnesses, have felt the same way you are feeling now. I certainly did. Adapting to this new life, so different than the life we had, is not easy but a necessity for surviving.
When I lost my job and was really struggling with the chronic pain and cognitive changes, and feeling very lost, my physician brother in law sent me this book. It was my inspiration( aka "kick in the pants" ) for adapting to my altered life.
http://www.amazon.com/Whole-New-Life...whole+new+life
We all hear you...many of us get it...and have found our own path to adapting to a new life. It is not easy, but doable and honestly...I found many joys in my new life that I may not have found otherwise. I know it may sound trite but, it is true. Your Mother is a wonderful starting point. If losing you would cause her agony, focus on having the best relationship with her that you can, be the best son you can be. Love/good relationships with family and friends could be the cornerstone of this new life you are building.
Wishing you success as you deal with your "new life". I found when I finally accepted my life was never going back to what it was, my stress diminished and it was easier to push ahead. Pick small goals, day by day.
Keep us posted,
Diandra